The Gospel according to Jack Bauer

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My friend Dave Warrington wrote to me today with a business proposition: “I had an idea for a new business. You know how people wear bracelets with W.W.J.D. (What Would Jesus Do)? Well, what about a bracelet with W.W.J.B.D (What Would Jack Bauer Do). It would be made of steel, not some namby pamby rubber or leather. Jack Bauer would only wear something really tough!

“Just think of a nation of people who asked W.W.J.B.D.? before contemplating any action. You go to a fast food joint and they screw up your order–WWJBD? Answer: Kill all but one person in the room and torture that person until they get your order right!

“You could create a whole religion around this guy–remember in season two he rose from the dead. The Book of Almeida, The Gospel According to Chloe, Curtis’ First Letter to the Hostages (Don’t worry, have faith, Jack Bauer will deliver ye), and you could create new parables around events such as Kim and the Whale (being eaten by a whale is about the only thing that has not happened to Kim), or The Book of Edgar Stiles (a sadder tale of woe one cannot find).

“Another thought, there could be a Book of Nina Myers, previously unknown and not part of the Jack Bauer New Testament. Recently found on a microchip buried by the Tomb of Palmer. The lost testimony of the apostle Nina who for centuries was thought to be a traitor–a Judas–but who really was acting as part of a brilliant plan conceived by Jack Bauer to cleanse the world of evil.”

We have only 8 hours left this season (just barely a work day), so enjoy it before it’s gone!

Apr 10, 2006 | Comments

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